During the 90s, there used to be a TV sketch-show in which one of the sketches involved a 'rustic' character emerging from a garden shed. Each time he did, he announced in a broad dialect (something like)-'This week I shall be wearing mostly ...' - followed by some sort of sartorial extravagance. I am reminded of that every time I think of what to talk about ...'This week I will be discussing mostly ...'
When I had the stroke (over ten years ago now), and was 'Locked-In', there was a dearth of things to read to give me or my family a crumb of comfort or encouragement. A trawl of the professional magazines yielded a few, dry articles on the subject , which were far from encouraging; for two main reasons. Firstly there were very few reports of people surviving a brain-stem stroke that severe anyway, and secondly I did not show any of the early signs of improvement deemed necessary as indication of any sort of recovery. Back then, Facebook and Twitter were merely a gleam in their developers' eyes, and blogs just did not exist! So we as a family felt very alone. Our amassed medical knowledge had not prepared us for this.
For some reason, several people gave me copies of 'The Diving Bell and the Butterfly' (the acclaimed narrative by a French journalist enduring the agonies of being 'Locked-In'; subsequently made into a film). I can only assume that they thought it might be an inspiration to me - in my 'Locked-In' state. It was not! To this day, I have been unable to get beyond the first few pages . It was and is all too familiar - and depressingI found Christopher Reeve's (of Superman fame) autobiography much more encouraging. I was given two copies of that, as well.
I felt very alone in my situation, and we as a family felt very alone - as if nothing like this had ever happened to anyone else, and no-one else could possibly feel so wretched. Over the years I have seen clearly that this is not, and was not, the case. There are many who endure similar nightmares to ours (and worse!), and who make the best of the hand they are dealt. That does not, however, lessen the feelings of isolation which, iI suspect, we all have . I would like to think that by reading this, at least one person might feel less 'alone', and might be strengthened to keep fighting! Perhaps, amongst my prattling, there might be something which strikes a chord, and provides some extra encouragement. Perhaps ...
Well, it was not my original intention to talk about lonliness. Funny how things turn out, isn't it?
Now, I feel very alone again ...but that is a different story ...
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